his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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