wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
