You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
