Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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