I cockslap morals
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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