We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
