Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize