wat bout pragnant strippers??
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
