Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
