if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she pinky promised me she was 18
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
