We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I will pee on everything he values.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
