If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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