I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
