smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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