o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
