when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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