i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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