Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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