Im at strip club and am horny
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Randomize
