this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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