we have officially lost it.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
