so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
