There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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