Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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