I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
