Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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