I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
