Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
