I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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