I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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