Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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