cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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