Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
