First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
