Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you win again, gameday.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
