Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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