I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
