i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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