Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
