you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
