Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
