Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My balls are so social today.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
