hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
