Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
