So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
