i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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