Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
