I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
