You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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