i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
