One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize