So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
