So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
