I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
