420 ftw
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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