Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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