MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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