P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
