I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
