Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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