Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
