my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
