If i come over, it means nothing
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
