I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
