So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
