This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Princesses don't give blow jobs
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
