I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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